I bet he comes in French.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
