Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
