I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's official drugs can't kill me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
