you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
