I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
