How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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