i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize