i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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