Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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