Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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