around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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