my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
