She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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