her vagine was all disorganized.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
