So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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