why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
