if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
