plz talk dirty to me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
