Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
