even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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