Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize