Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
