If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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