just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
