You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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