it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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