It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
