just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
