p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
