Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
