apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
