Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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