So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
