I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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