the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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