Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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