Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No subtext here. People are naked.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
