you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
