I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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