what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
