Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
