Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
