Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
