That's intense
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is Oprah even human
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
