I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
