Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
