Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
