plz talk dirty to me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
