I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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