I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
