Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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