he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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