I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize