dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
