ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
