You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
