wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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