I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
