I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
